Yay! Let the life begging :) :) I have had few outstanding days. After a small discussion I got the doctor to let me start to ride again (he is not gonna write that to the official papers but he did say it's ok to start to ride). I can also race the Finnish champs and I must race the World Champs (that is word by word what the doctor said).
On the top of this I got myself to my home town, Jyväskylä. I have had two days with good naps. And let me make it clear, that has a huge effect on my. I have got my "to do list" almost cleared from the stress zone. I was filling out some insurance company papers from 2 months back and for a while I felt strong anguish inside: "after this I won't have my stressing list anymore". I felt bad. That's funny because I do hate my list. It's pulling me away from all the things I like. At the same time that list is keeping me going. If that sounds hard to understand imagine yourself in a position of having no duty, no one expecting you to do nothing, never, not even a reason to do anything.. and being in that position for for example 5 years...
One thing why clearing my "to do list" might have felt awful is that then I would have a chance to fill it up again! I DON'T WANT TO GET ANYTHING ON MY LIST! Life is here and now! Don't wanna live it thru the list. I don't know why I always promise myself to fix someone else's things, or make the list for myself. It doesn't matter how important those things are. If I'm not doing them with a joy, I don't need them.
Well, yesterday was a special day. Photographing day or more likely "to be photographed day". My favorite photographer Tuomas Mikkonen shoot for 2 hours and I just smiled :) That was simply awesome. Sometimes I was supposed to be serious. That was the times made wanna smile the most. Here is a sample of style what Tuomas uses. This is not even ready but I do like it a lot!!!
On the top of this I got myself to my home town, Jyväskylä. I have had two days with good naps. And let me make it clear, that has a huge effect on my. I have got my "to do list" almost cleared from the stress zone. I was filling out some insurance company papers from 2 months back and for a while I felt strong anguish inside: "after this I won't have my stressing list anymore". I felt bad. That's funny because I do hate my list. It's pulling me away from all the things I like. At the same time that list is keeping me going. If that sounds hard to understand imagine yourself in a position of having no duty, no one expecting you to do nothing, never, not even a reason to do anything.. and being in that position for for example 5 years...
One thing why clearing my "to do list" might have felt awful is that then I would have a chance to fill it up again! I DON'T WANT TO GET ANYTHING ON MY LIST! Life is here and now! Don't wanna live it thru the list. I don't know why I always promise myself to fix someone else's things, or make the list for myself. It doesn't matter how important those things are. If I'm not doing them with a joy, I don't need them.
Well, yesterday was a special day. Photographing day or more likely "to be photographed day". My favorite photographer Tuomas Mikkonen shoot for 2 hours and I just smiled :) That was simply awesome. Sometimes I was supposed to be serious. That was the times made wanna smile the most. Here is a sample of style what Tuomas uses. This is not even ready but I do like it a lot!!!
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