Few times I have comment that people are wondering why I want to cloister myself. That might be true. I think I found out the reason. Other people makes me to be faulty. Same story like before (people commenting when I think too much and when I don't think enough..). The new faultiness is the worst. It's kinda silly, but at the same time that's true to me. The realization happened after my friend borrow 50euros from me without asking (borrow without asking is also know as steeling at least if you don't give it back). I didn't get angry at all. Yes 50 euros is lots of money, it's almost 70 US dollars. My friend has appologize. We are still friends, actually I'm right now at his place. Why I'm here? I don't come up with any other feeling that I made a mistake. Ones again; I made a mistake! I were stupid and trusted other person. I had also 1200 US dollars in my wallet, so I'm pretty glad he didn't take those!
To make a drama about it would be childish. Should I have screamed and conjure the otherone to hell. Slam a door behind me? Why people even do things like that? To make the other one to beg forgiveness? To forse them to tell how important you are? I know how important I am. I don't know if my friends knows it, but I don't want him to say it to me. I will see it from the way he acts. This doesn't mean that nothing would have changed. I will not trust him again for sure. These faulty-me situation are just too common. Like the ticket I got from USA last time, why did I believe that Henrik would keep his word and pay half like our deal was. Or Helsinki-BMX borrowing my one man gate.. believe me, too many! And then people are asking from me why I want to cloister myself to my cottage. How does it sound that when I'm by myself I don't find myself that faulty.
Few time I have look thru photos from last worlds. I was so ready! I knew how to ride. I were strong! And then that stupid mistake to miss the finals. I rather think how good I were! ;)